I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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