GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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