So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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