I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
