I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
