The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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