that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Found your dick twin last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
