I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
