I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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