dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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