'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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