It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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