it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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