i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
