don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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