dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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