It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I want her autograph on my taint
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
