Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
