Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
