btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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