i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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