make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
