What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
