11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Your cock deserves a montage
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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