I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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