Is it normal to miss your booty call?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
