i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
