Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think a kid would responsible me up
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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