dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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