He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
