woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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