if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just saw a hot homeless man
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
