She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
