when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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