last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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