Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He uses pillows to masturbate.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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