Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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