Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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