She is in my trunk
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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