I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
