mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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