I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
