idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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