How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
