DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
please come you make the beer taste better
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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