I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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