Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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