So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
