True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
