we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
