I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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