Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
