It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
