I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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