I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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