My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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