in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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