I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
