no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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