The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
