I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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