party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
3 2 1 whiskey
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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