Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
