I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
