oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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