oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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