I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
