is your mom at the bar?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
