Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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