I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
