Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
